Once again, I defeated the saying, “Don’t talk to strangers.”
Last week, right before running the Eugene Marathon, I was indeed reminded of the power of these “small” encounters and how they shape a rich life filled with a sense of belonging.
We were seeking a relaxing activity for the day before the race. My wife Virginie stumbled upon a GOAT Happy Hour Experience at the No Regrets Farm and Sanctuary in Monroe.
Not to be confused with a “Greatest Of All Time” Happy Hour, this experience combined yoga with real goats, followed by drinks with all the farm animals!
It was a cool and rainy day—like a few in Oregon—but we were dry in the barn for the Yoga session and had warm goats at hand. They were snuggly, rubbing all over us, wanting as much love as possible, and occasionally chewing on my shoelaces!
I was the least flexible person in the barn—one of those stiff runners—but I survived the 45-minute yoga class and rejoiced at the idea of standing tall again, enjoying others’ company with a glass in my hand.
I’ve always found people interesting and unpredictable, so I love these casual talks. Let others come at you and tell their story; you will learn something fascinating.
I started chatting with a lady. She was from Boulder, in her 40s, and started complaining about how dry her skin could be. She seemed to love how the Oregon rain sprinkle made her face shine.
Well, that was not the most exciting start.
I soon diverted our conversation to her activities. I learned she worked in the Emergency Room and had her dose of accidents and tragedies. She started revealing more of the backstage of the ER and how this past year had seen an uptick in fatal ski accidents.
I voiced the hypothesis that collisions between inexperienced skiers were likely the main culprit.
But to my surprise, she paused, looked at me with a grave expression, and revealed in a matter-of-fact voice what the #1 cause of ski accidents was…
Trees!
I started that small conversation with a stranger with no expectations. It ended with unexpected insight and great respect for this lady’s daily job at the Boulder Emergency Room. And I knew she, too, felt appreciated at the end of our talk.
Our small encounter reminded me of the many missed opportunities I’ve witnessed in decades of corporate life. Too often, workers are so obsessed with the tasks at hand and their inner circle that they simply do not take the time to slow down and engage in small talk with others.
Such subtle interactions with “strangers” have been well-researched and documented. These “minimal social interactions” are brief and require less commitment than other social relationships. Their benefits are high no matter how social you are. They are especially beneficial to happiness if you feel lonely or need to socialize more.
A nice chat with an “unknown” colleague by the coffee machine will strengthen your sense of community and improve your mood.
Yet, too many of us don’t engage in these small interactions. I often hear the excuse that you might not want to bother others. It’s understandable if someone appears extremely busy or in a bad mood. But if you pay attention to their attitude and body language, you can navigate the initial interaction and exit gracefully, if need be.
Some of us also fear being judged or rejected for what we say during these small chats. That is a well-known bias that further limits future interactions. Yet, scientific studies point out that we are social animals and feel better when noticed, seen, and considered.
So don’t overthink it; engage in these conversations with strangers. Be genuinely curious to learn something. You’ll make their day and yours.